My Blog Motto

"Good judgement comes from experience, and often experience comes from bad judgement"

~Rita Mae Brown

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Hello Darkness my Old Friend

Anyone who follows me on Facebook or has regular daily interaction with me probably knows I have been one cranky bitch for a few days (to those of you who see me everyday, I know, it feels like longer). Anger in and of itself is not a problem, in fact it can be an extremely helpful friend who prompts us to examine areas of our life that may need tweaking. This includes our internal life, our attitudes and beliefs that may have become a little too unbalanced in one way or another.
Anger can also be really empowering, especially for women who grew up in an era where despite the emergence of second wave feminism, little girls were generally not supposed to be angry or aggressive. But again it's how one chooses to empower themselves is what determines the kind of harvest our assertiveness will yield. You want sour grapes or happy apples?
During the difficult years while I was over drinking, over drugging and lugging around a chip on my shoulder the size of a Volkswagen I really "got in touch with my anger" Or so I thought. Actually, rather than getting in touch with it I gave it an all out invitation to break out from the cage it had been hiding in for decades and to run amok in an unfocused mad frenzy. It was like some sort of bizarre John Waters character ready to hurl a plate of spaghetti or a stiletto at anyone who crossed it's path. But it least it got out. Until it landed us in jail, treatment and years of therapy.
Hmmmm, so then what becomes of the crazed Madwoman? See, despite the problems my angry persona had introduced into my life, I kinda liked her. She was tough and tacky and really didn't give a shit what anyone thought of her. So how do we teach this chick some manners, clean her up a little and make her socially acceptable.
The same way you do it with a real person; you make them feel good about themselves, good enough to really care how they conduct themselves. You help them find the confidence to know they are safe and capable and intelligent enough to handle any conflict that may come their way. You befriend them.You find their strong points and emphasize them. You provide positive feedback and suggestions to help them apply their strengths in such a way that can address their "areas for improvement".
Now of course we will all have our moment when we relapse into our old patterns of behavior - just yesterday I got a parking ticket and a snotty, acerbic lecture from a city parking checker for being parked in a loading zone while helping my daughter move. My response was to tear the parking ticket in half and instruct the parking checker the parking checker to "shove it". Yes, I was specific as to where he should shove it. But later a cooler head prevailed and I decided his condescending attitude was better addressed by making a date to fight the ticket in court. I also made a complaint with his supervisor. I'm pretty certain based on my experience with city politics, the ticket will be dropped. As far as Mr Parking Checker, who knows? all I know is I'm a hell of a lot happier than he is.
 Living well is indeed the best revenge as long as you keep your shadow close at hand and on a leash.

Image courtesy of Photobucket
© 2010-2011 Nanakoosa’s Place, authored by Jennifer Hazard

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