When I first started blogging a friend advised me to have plenty of "back up blogs" for the times I was too busy, or unmotivated to blog. Like most intelligent and sensible advice, I made a mental note, filed under "good ideas" and then forgot about it. And like many of the files in that category I look back and wonder why I didn't take the advice.
I'm not angry with myself over the reams of unfollowed tips for better living, but I am a bit mystified by my absolute refusal to learn from my own mistakes. My therapist has dubbed me the Eternal Teenager in reference to my unyeilding position of Individuation and Hard Headed Self Determination. While I naturally wear this title as a Badge of Honor there is another part of me, more Parental in nature, that sometimes shakes her head in wonder.
How can you be so f@#king stubborn...use your goddamn head
This is how my Dad and his family would talk to each other but don't be alarmed, it was all in good Humor and Love. And it was also with the full understanding that we all operate under the same adolescent modality of Doing it my Way.
Anyone who has read my blog for any length of time has seen me experiment with different strategies. Dedicating myself to specific post days, trying for quantity rather than quality by posting brief daily musings, trying to follow themes or regular pre-planned topics, stuff like that. If I were doing this professionally I'd be out of a job, or maybe I'd be more motivated to pick a format and stick with it, who knows.
What I do know is this-I started this blog because there are a lot of Women out there who, like me, are Eternal Teenagers who, in spite of our lack of commitment or ability to follow life's rules have a lot of Wisdom, Humor and some pretty good stories. Being a little off one's rocker creates great opportunities for picking up a little wit and wisdom along the way, we all know that. Most of us are comfortable with that. But every once in a while we wonder,
why can't I do things in a nice orderly fashion like everyone else which may lead us to wonder if we are alone on this crazy patchwork trail of adventure we call life.
Sometimes my best and brightest purpose can be to remind my Sisters who won't or can't follow the rules that we are not alone, we are not "bad" we are just Unique, Independent and Creative. In a world of sheep, it just might be the Black Sheep that stands out and dares to evade the Wolf.
You can't cage a Free Spirit.
Peace and Love,
Jenny Nanakoosa
© 2010-2012 Nanakoosa’s Place, authored by Jennifer Hazard
Dear Jenny,
ReplyDeleteI could have written this post--but you did it better! At last I have a name (Eternal Teenager) and all the stuff that goes with it. Unfortunately I have way too much of the Parental still in me, which tends to hold me down a lot so I get depressed sometimes thinking I am such a waste at what I should be and chronologically am, an adult. Thank you so much for letting me know that I am NOT alone and that it is OK to be me, not matter what the Child Units tell me--I am such a trial to them :-) . I especially like the fact that you have a file cabinet like mine--chock full of good ideas--other people's and even sometimes my own--but it seems that once I put them in and close the drawer, that memory of what all is in there skips town. Thanks again for letting me know I'm OK -- and maybe even likable and useful.
Jean