Self-Acceptance...it's a good thing, no? It's one of those goals we all strive for as we travel the path to maturity and well being. I was thinking about the term and decided something didn't quite feel complete. Being a word nerd I looked up the dictionary definition and here it is:
ac·cept·ance
noun
1.the act of taking or receiving something offered.
2.favorable reception; approval; favor.
3.the act of assenting or believing: acceptance of a theory.
4.the fact or state of being accepted or acceptable.
I don't know about you but this sounds a little less than enthusiastic. Not much passion or joy is implied here is there? Kind of like a 'I'll take what I can get' feel to it. There is clearly a sense of something being at least okay, tolerable. I think we can admit that accepting something, or someone, as being okay is indeed better than revulsion dislike or hatred.That is why acceptance is the first step we take as we learn to heal. We have to move past defeat, guilt and/or self loathing to the next phase which is to acknowledge that we are okay.
But it shouldn't end there. I think that for some of us, for me anyway, we kind of become contented in the acceptance stage. Maybe we start to take ourselves for granted as someone we can live with, or tolerate...but come on can't we do better for ourselves than that?
Think about it this way, if someone you care about very much introduced you to their new partner and the partner said "oh I can accept them" would you think the relationship had a snowballs chance in hell of evolving into a lasting and devoted relationship? Probably not. Wouldn't you likely find yourself thinking that your loved one could 'do better than that'? We hope and expect that our loved ones will be loved and respected in the way we believe they deserve, and we expect that love and respect to come from someone else.
When you think about it who on earth do we have the only guaranteed lasting relationship with? Ourselves! From cradle to grave there is one human being you will wake up with, get through the day with, rely on to make all the decisions and suffer or enjoy the consequences...it's you.
We think of a relationship as something that involves two or more people, but in reality we have a relationship with ourselves. Most of our daily survival needs, eating, dressing, bathing, etc. are self administered (as long as we are physically able) Our personal thoughts are conversations with our self. We have private jokes that only we understand. We even have conflict; sometimes. Quite often our mind, heart and body are not on the same page and we must negotiate a compromise. Each persons perspective or perception is so unique that there we truly do have our own version of any story in our history.
We spend so much time and energy in our lifetimes examining and perfecting our relationships with other people, but how often do we even consciously acknowledge the relationship with ourselves, much less actually put any thought or effort into that relationship.
In this this most vital relationship that is essential to our survival why is it so difficult to actually feel Love? It sounds corny and maybe even a little weird, I know. When we hear the term 'self love' most of us probably think of masturbation..We think of self love with a lower case 'l', not of self Love.
So let's think a bit about ideal love and partnership. What would we expect in terms of how we would want to be treated and how we would treat another. What do you have to offer to your lifetime companion?
© 2010-2013 Nanakoosa’s Place, authored by Jennifer Hazard
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