Wednesday, May 15, 2013
I am not a goal setter, or a go getter. I rarely make plans and when I do I allow enough flexibility to wiggle my out if needed. Until recently I didn't have much concept of a future of any sort, not one that I could envision with any clarity or certainty anyway. When I make changes in my life it's not because I decide to do so. Changes happen in my life because of external circumstances or simply because it feels like the time is right to make a change. I operate on intuition and heart rather than intellectual organization that's just my M.O. or to use the parlance of our times my O.S.
When I decided to quit smoking last month it was because I simply decided, no I felt, it was time to quit. Combined with the external circumstance that I was broke and I couldn't really afford to smoke that week, and if I was going to go a whole week without smoking then I figured I might as well keep running with it. That just made sense. If I had intellectually decided that I should quit smoking for health reasons for example, and set a date to do so, it never would have worked. I know that many of the popular methods for quitting work that way and for many people that works. Those are the kind of people who can plan things, organize tasks into achievable objectives that lead to long term goals. That is a good system for some people, but not for everyone. For me that kind of thinking would be a set up for failure, but that's okay! Really it is. And I'm not alone, there are many people like me who need to do things in our own way and at our own pace. We still get things done. We may not get them done in a predesignated time frame leaving behind a congruent linear paper trail that justifies and records our every step in the process, but that's okay too.
People like me just need to find non traditional ways to make a living and otherwise get by in a culture that increasingly values mechanistic linear thought and design. And we very often don't appear to be doing much since we don't produce documentation or concrete evidence of our progress. But guess what? that is okay too.
Anyway recently I have been feeling little big changes happening in my approach to life. Stopping smoking is probably the most observable and measurable achievement but the others are no less important. You may have noticed, or maybe not, that I haven't been blogging as much. That's because part of this process I'm going through is placing me in a frame of mind that is more reflective than productive. I am in a mood of keen observation which needs me to be more quiet. I'm listening to the world more than I am talking about it. I don't have much to say but I have so much to see, think and to feel. And I am finding myself more active not so much in a way that anyone would notice, but I am more actively engaged and present in what I choose to do. Quality over quantity is the name of the game right now.
I'm paying closer attention to my relationships with people (and dogs) in my life. I'm more attentive to the world around me especially my immediate environment. I'm enriching my mind and my imagination by reading voraciously and by watching documentaries about places and people that are unfamiliar to me. I can't explain how or why but I believe that all this is very important to my role in my family, my community and maybe in the Big Picture as well.
So if you wonder what I've been doing, I'm paying attention. I'm making Little Big changes. And I hope I'm developing a better more meaningful Me.
© 2010-2013 Nanakoosa’s Place, authored by Jennifer Hazard