Introductory V-blog

 Ok Here it is, my first official Vid-blog. I did a brief chit chatty experimental version that some of you may have seen on Facebook, but this is the actual Nanakoosa's Place chapter one version. I hope you enjoy it and I will be working on more installments which will consist of specific topics and issues that are relevant to my audience. As always feedback and suggestions are welcome.
Peace,
Jenny

© 2010-2012 Nanakoosa’s Place, authored by   Jennifer Hazard

Life in the Big Picture

The past week has awakened my senses to a Way I have glimpsed but never fully comprehended full force. Emerging from the loss of  of my father; the process of reviewing his life. our family and each of us as individuals had turned the lens just slightly to reveal a view of the bigger picture with a new perception.
Some minor mistake, a careless error once easily dismissed, might now evoke sobs. On the other hand, a small seemingly irrelevant bit of beauty can appear as the greatest masterpiece contrived by Humankind or Nature. Suddenly I am at one time the center of the Universe and yet a tiny speck in the Grand scheme, and both things are true at once.
To bring it all down a notch, let me put it plainly: life is brief in review and everlasting in impact yet we tend to live as if the reverse were true. We pour of hearts and souls into leaky containers, hoping our devotion is sufficient to fill the gaps. We cling desperately to the words of other people hoping for self validation. But they are only words and we really have no concept of their true meaning do we? Not unless they are made real with the alchemy of with action and love. Of the hundreds of thousands of words we hear each day, how many are infused with that magic?
We pass by moments of Beauty and Grace every day on our way to saving  the world. Basically we miss the train because we are running so fast to catch the express route. And guess what? The World doesn't need us to save Her, even if we could. She just needs our Love and Respect. Life is a gift, grab it with both hands, unwrap Her with curiosity and delight. Listen to your heart and follow the message. Don't expect anyone else on this planet to make you happy, or successful or powerful. Only you know how to be those things. Anything or anyone who would stop you from being happy with you? My Dad would say "That's just a crock of shit"
Now...go find your bliss!!!!!!
Peace and Love
Jenny Nanakoosa Hazard

© 2010-2012 Nanakoosa’s Place, authored by Jennifer Hazard

In between the extremes of 'turn the other cheek' and 'an eye for an eye' lies a world of possibility. Much of that territory is Education. Not just formal education but seizing upon teachable moments to present a fresh perspective and to infuse compassion into a volatile situation. For ourselves,there is the opportunity for  lessons in authenticity, the chance to practice and be who we really are in the core of our True Self. For those of us who have a history of having been victimized or dis-empowered, situations involving conflict or mistreatment (no matter how slight) can trigger very immediate reactions that arise from a place of self defense. From that position we are behind a false front, a suit of armor which obscures our authentic self from the rest of the world. It becomes a blockade through which no true human interaction can pass, in or out, and the opportunities are lost. We percieve a careless word, a dismissive comment or even a misunderstanding as a personal attack. Taking on the feelings of other people, especially the negative is most likely due to our hightenend state of self preservation. It's not that we want to own the world's problems as it may appear at times. It's actually quite the opposite, we dread being the receptacle for someone else's bad day the dumping point for other's anger.
 Anyone who done time an an abusive relationship will tell you that the "blame game" a crucial element of the dynamic. The abuser will not take responsibility for their actions, can you blame them? Who wants to be a jerk? No one is really proud of it, so naturally they shift the blame to the victim. As we learn to play the game, we develop all sort of tricks of our own to throw into the mix. Because the game is usually high stakes, at least emotionally, we often draw our reactions from extreme ends of the spectrum; we either withdraw and forgive or we return the attack with more venom increasing the potential for violence but armed with a sense of self righteousness. If we do become "clever enough to find a middle road, it is often a muddled combination of the two extremes resulting the the most odious of all behaviors, the passive-aggressive reaction. We may pretend to forgive for example, but do so in such a way that is so self deprecating that it practically begs for continued conflict. The role we play and the moves we make within the complicated and ever changing rules of the game of an abusive relationship are well documented and discussed in many books and studies; what I'm here to address is the far reaching after effects that bleed over into our lives sometimes even years after ending an abusive relationship.
I've noticed, in my own experience, that even if I'm generally doing pretty well in my relationships with others there are events and people that can easily trigger those old responses. For me the devastating duo are stressful external circumstances where I feel I have no control, and people (usually authority figures) who interact in a manner that feels cold and detached. You know, the medical personnel who identifies you by the illness or injury you are been treated for, "we've got pneumonia in room 306" or the service provider to whom you are case number 45361.  Unfortunately crisis situations, category number one, often brings us into contact with category two. These are the times I personally am most at risk for becoming either a doormat or a viper depending on my mood and energy level at the time.
These are the times that I have to remind myself that if I want to have sense of personal power over the situation the only thing I really do have any control of is how I choose to respond. If I am being treated in a way I feel is disrespectful or dehumanizing, I have the ability and the right to address the person who is causing the perceived injury. If I am to come out of this scenario with any sense of success it is up to me to be mindful in my words and actions.
So here's an example of a recent event where I was able to catch myself and walk my talk.
Last week was one of those weeks where it seemed everything was going wrong. I had a problem with my bank account due to an auto bill pay that I had authorized long ago and forgotten, my computer was on the fritz, I was having issues with my cel phone provider and then...my Dad passed away. Basically a shit storm of powerlessness. Putting things into perspective obviously some things are more significant than others and Dad's passing was by far the biggie. Death however is after all an inevitable part of life, overdraft fees, not so much. I managed to solve all of the mundane issues while also passing through various stages of grieving my father (of course that's all still going on but that's another story). The clincher came when I realized I was going to have to visit the food pantry for the second month in a row. That in itself was not such a big deal but I needed to cram the visit into a very busy schedule. Where I live there is a "Community Service Hotline" where clients can call to get information about the dates and times of availability of food pantries and other services. I wasn't certain of the times so I called the number to double check.The operator who answered the phone may have been having a bad day or maybe he just doesn't posses proper phone etiquette and I may never know the answer to that. What I do know is he picked the wrong day to tell me, very icily, that according to their records I'd already visited the pantry within a 30 day period and that I couldn't go there again for another week. Now according to the cheat sheet in front of him this may have been the instructions he was told to provide, but I know from experience that particular pantry allows people to come every two weeks, and  I told him that all I really needed was the hours of operation. He actually refused to give me the information, based on his belief that I was somehow breaking the rules. I tried reasoning with him telling him that I wasn't going to argue the rules I simply wanted to know what time they open, and he became more determined to not tell me. The phone call ended rather abruptly when I asked to be transferred to a supervisor and was put on 'hold' i.e. disconnected.
So at his point I was beyond "triggered" I was loaded, cocked and ready to fire at anything that crossed my path. I was also in tears. Everything hit me at once and it was my grief that saved me. All I'd really wanted was a little compassion. I thought about that for a bit, and after running through the first scenarios that came to mind, the victim card, the righteous indignant card the passive-aggressive 'let me speak to your manager and get you into trouble ' card it occurred to me that none of those were real, they were all just moves in a game that I no longer play. If I want real that I have to be real. I took some deep breaths, I got real and I called the hotline back. The same operator answered. I took another deep breath and told him calmly how I felt, in the moment; no extra information, no long stories, I simply let him know that his manner of speaking had made me feel less than deserving, less than human. I told him that while I understood that maybe he was having a bad day that his job involves interacting with people who are in need and that people in need tend to be vulnerable. I asked for no apology or explanation, I simply asked that in the future he would remember that on the other end of the phone was a real person with real needs and real feelings. Then I wished him a pleasant day, hung up and let it go.
I really sincerely do hope that the next time he has a crappy day that he can envision a real person on the other side of the phone. I hope that no one else has to be made to feel less than human because he has to "follow the rules" without question. I hope we can all remember, when were having a shitty day that our bad moods are fleeting and temporary but that the words we say and how we say them can send ripples through time. Maybe our teachable moment will bring something of value to someone else, maybe not.  If we can be honest with ourselves the words we put out there will be authentic and the ripples they send will be the vibration of our true Being and that, my friends, is the gift of Life.
© 2010-2012 Nanakoosa’s Place, authored by Jennifer Hazard

Leap Day

  Greetings everyone on this Leap year day. Funny thing, leap year an extra day a day where in some cultures convention may be allowed  to slip as if being granted an extra day one is given a free pass, a get out of jail free card or permission to upset the order of things a bit because after all its an extra day. Somehow being  extra it doesn't have to answer to the rest of the year, sort of the Vegas vacation of days. For example in my youth it was the one day that it was ok for a girl to ask a boy out, on a date or to go steady or whatever it was called at the time. Even then in the early 1970's the tradition was probably a carry over from years past because it was after all the era of sexual liberation when most conventions were being challenged. Not so much in a small town junior high school in western Massachusettes where the Womens movement hadn't quite taken hold. You would be surprised at how well insulated some of those small towns had kept themselves from the surrounding influences and perceived decadence  of the all womens Liberal arts colleges like Smith or Mount Holyoke. Anyway I was far too awkward and shy to consider asking any boy out even if it were to be announced that the last day of life as we know it was upon us. I would have spent the end of times alone in my room with my cat listening to Goodbye Yellow Brick Road or maybe some Led Zepplin if I was feeling particularly sassy.  Now decades later I still feel there should be a magical quality of some sort attached to an extra day. Even if the day is merely a silly attempt to reconcile a calendar that stubbornly refuses to acknowledge the phases of the moon as a logical guide for measuring time. And maybe therin lies the origin of the suspension of societal gender norms that dictated the absurd rule that the initiation of a  relationship should be an exclusively male priveledge.  Seems a petty consolation, one day every four years, for the loss of a female centered measurement of the cycles amd passages of time.    2010-2012 Nanakoosa’s Place, authored by Jennifer Hazard

Cabin Fever, or just plain SAD?

Do I LOOK like a Husky???

I don't know about you, and of course this will differ depending on what part of the planet you call home, but for me February is about the point in the year when the novelty of winter begins to wear off. We are all familiar with terms like Seasonal Depression and Cabin Fever, the latter which originated in the days when people lived much more in direct contact with the land and the seasons and were clearly at the mercy of mother natures "moods" and changes. As an avid fan of Laura Ingalls Wilder and the "Little House on the Prairie" series (the books!) I realized at a young age how fortunate we are in modern times to have certain luxuries that help us cope with freezing temperatures, snow and potential isolation. The fact that we have cars, or public transportation, indoor heat and plumbing and grocery stores where we can buy food from just about anywhere in the world without it having to be "in season" sometimes makes me wonder why we even have an actual diagnostic term for seasonal depression; SAD or Seasonal Affective Disorder.
According to the Mayo Clinic:
*Symptoms of winter-onset seasonal affective disorder include:

• Depressed mood
• Irritability
• Hopelessness
• Anxiety
• Loss of energy
• Social withdrawal
• Oversleeping (feeling like you want to hibernate)
• Loss of interest in activities you normally enjoy
• Appetite changes, especially a craving for foods high in carbohydrates such as pastas, rice, bread and cereal
• Weight gain
• Difficulty concentrating and processing information
• Hmmm, well that all sounds familiar.
• The article also cites that a lack of exposure to sunlight may increase Melatonin, a hormone that is normally produced during sleep (nighttime hours) which may disrupt our mood and our sleep patterns.
• I'm thinking, based on intuitive deduction, not scientific evidence, that Human beings have done a pretty good job of adapting to our environments for hundreds of thousands of years, so why would we failed to adapt to lack of sunlight? In other words, I'm not completely buying this theory. Then again as someone who has experienced cyclical depression for most of my life, I may not be the most unbiased or accurate judge.
• I think part of our problem is we don't get out enough. We rush to our cars and once we  have reached our destination, we rush to get indoors. We act as if cold air is somehow terribly offensive and something to be avoided at all costs. Our traditional 'modern' lifestyles reinforce this behavior by having us work usually indoors during the few hours of actual daylight that we are able (in the northern parts) to experience. The typical 9 to 5 bankers hours pretty much covers that window of opportunity for exposure to sunlight.
• One of the perks to being unemployed is that I can get out and about during those precious hours of sunlight. Being "low income", unable to afford a car and sometimes even not having bus fare means that my primary mode of transportation is my own two feet. Additionally I do believe that people need a bit more sleep in the winter. maybe like many mammals we are meant to function in a semi-hibernation mode. Having a free schedule allows for naps, sleeping late and adjustments to normal sleep patterns.
• So what about the rest of the world, the ones who are lucky enough to have jobs, cars and a consistent schedule?
• As someone who has lived in both worlds I can offer some suggestions, which of course you can take or leave. Depending on your current level of S.A.D. you may want to suggest that I stick my suggestions in the one place where the sun will not shine, and that's okay too, I get it, I really do.
• So here goes, 
• 1. Planes, trains and automobiles
• We love them, then get us where we need to go and they do it with heat in the winter and cool air in the summer (assuming things are functioning properly) they play music along the way and depending on type and 'extras' they might offer even more tailored comforts than our own homes. We get very accustomed to our cars, maybe too much so. How about next time there's a nice reasonably not-too-cold day you walk to do some errands instead of habitually heading for the driver's seat? You might be surprised at how good you feel after a brisk walk. And you'll save yourself some fuel.
• 2. Work
• If you work in doors, where do you go for lunch or breaks? Do you head for the employee break room (often known as the bleak room). If so, is it a tiny space lined with vending machines that dispense plastic wrapped mystery foods? Are the lights glaring fluorescent? Is there another option? How about taking a stroll outside, breathing in some fresh air and basking in real light. How about those vacation days? Are you saving them all for summer when you can really enjoy the time off? Could you spare one or two for your mental health, just to get some rest? Which leads into...
• 3. Sleep
• The majority of people I know, regardless of age, socioeconomic status or any other identifying factors seem to agree they just feel like they need more sleep in the winter. Depending on life circumstances this can be more of a challenge to some than others, I know. But look at your daily schedule. Are there times you might set aside to watch a tv show or do something else that may be entertaining, but non-essential?  Do you feel guilty or "unproductive" if you allow yourself to nap? Guess what, your body heals itself while it sleeps, its too busy doing other stuff while its awake, so it needs this time to repair and rebuild tissues. Napping, then, is not unproductive at all, in fact it's giving your body the time to do the work it needs to do to keep yourself healthy! How about them apples? And speaking of apples...
• 4. Food
• Your body needs food, in the winter it might need a little more to maintain warmth and to fend off all those nasty viruses that tend to accumulate in spots like workplaces and shared vehicles. Go ahead and eat! And try to eat healthy. Most people put on a few pounds in winter, there's nothing wrong with that. And if you start walking more you're going to burn lots of those calories anyway.
• Finally, all the Motherly advice in the world is no substitute for seeking help if the problem becomes truly serious. Friends, support groups, and if necessary, professional intervention might be called for if you're blues start taking on a darker shade. You're not alone if the long tail end of winter gets you down and there is help available, so reach out and grab it and remember, spring is on it's way.

*Retrieved from http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/sad/MY00371
© 2010-2012 Nanakoosa’s Place, authored by Jennifer Hazard