What Puts the Ape in Apricot?

"Whadda they got that I ain't got?....(all answer)  "Courage!"   The the Cowardly Lion's own  answer to his  rhetorical question is, of course, Courage. In case you've never seen the movie 'The Wizard of Oz" I would encourage you to stop reading, find, rent, borrow download  a copy using whatever it is you use to view media, make some popcorn and lose yourself in what is probably one of the few examples of The Archetypal  Heroes Journey whose protagonist is a 13-year-old girl.  So go away now if you haven't seen it because there's a spoiler on deck.

Gone? Okay. Are they all gone? ok.

Geez can you believe there are actually people who have not seen the Wizard of Oz?!  

Well, we will give them our support and acceptance when they come back, let's not make them feel embarrassed for not having incorporated one of the greatest films of all time into their schematic framework.

So, the rest of you know where I am headed with this thought. The Cowardly Lion, despite his panic attacks, tears and attempts at desertion was indeed the most Courageous of all the Seekers en route to Oz. Yes, he was terrified the entire time but, as a loved one recently reminded me, Courage is not the lack of Fear, but the act of going forward and doing what needs to be done in spite of the Fear.

As the Wizard presented the Cowardly Lion with his Medal of Bravery he expressed the same sentiment

"You have plenty of courage, I am sure," answered Oz. "All you need is confidence in yourself. There is no living thing that is not afraid when it faces danger. The true courage is in facing danger when you are afraid, and that kind of courage you have in plenty."

Upon realizing the risks he had endured and survived in the name of loyalty to Dorothy and the others, The Lion is able to grasp the key ingredient in the recipe for Courage...Confidence.  Not the boasting puffy chested, "put 'em up" posturing he had (unsuccessfully) displayed when first encountering his fellow travelers ; but a warm and humble confidence that enabled him as a decorated hero, to weep in plain view of the entire populace of The Emerald City as he said goodbye to Dorothy.

True Courage is more likely to debate than display, to sacrifice freely with no expectation of reward, and more at ease with weeping  than warfare.

Think of times you have faced your fears, soldiered on and emerged quietly triumphant yet forever changed.  Please, as always feel free to share a story if you'd like, and Soldier On Warriors of Wisdom!

Peace,

Jenny



© 2010-2011 Nanakoosa’s Place, authored by Jennifer Hazard

Guest Artist: Elly Hazard

 I must confess to a bit of nepotism here; but then again if we are to walk our talk, we will support our children in their efforts to heal, to express themselves and to be true to their inner calling. Elly's art is an example of how we can transform our emotions by creating imagery that gives "voice" to those feelings.
Elly is currently a sophomore at Alverno College and is studying art and education. As a child of an alcoholic and somewhat chaotic family she has found utilized her talent as a means of challenging her fears and anger.

I hope you enjoy her art!

Images are property of Eleanor Hazard and the artist retains all rights to the property

© 2011 Nanakoosa’s Place, authored by Jennifer Hazard

Getting to know you...(Me)

I hope anyone has had time to look over and consider the practices for familiarizing ourselves with our emotions. It's not something that can be done in a finite amount of time, and I don't know if we ever reach the "finish line'. Rather it's an ongoing process, just like developing any other relationship. I believe it is well worth the effort, essential really, if we are to truly become the best and brightest we can be. In this process, we become an inspiration, source of support and a good friend to others. It's amazing how once we stop trying to live up to the standards of others and refuse to allow them to dictate how we should feel, think and act, we begin to attract people into our lives who respect and love us for who we are. After all if we don't know ourselves, if we become social chameleons, how can we expect anyone to get close? It's ironic that we wear these masks; we take on these roles that don't fit all because we want other people to like us. Somehow we got the idea, the fear, that if people knew who we really are, they would run screaming in the other direction. And why do we have this idea? Because we are not so sure WE like ourselves, therefore why would anyone else?

After becoming more familiar and hopefully comfortable with our feelings, we can start to take stock of what things elicit certain feelings. Part of that is looking at what makes us happy. It may be the simplest thing, like seeing a snowflake up close, tending to a garden. It may be that we have favorite books, movies or music that speaks to something deep inside in a way no one else can. Sometimes it helps to remember your childhood dreams, fantasies and favorite activities. By rediscovering the things that capture our interest and that bring us joy, we begin to remember who we are.

Anyone who has been through a controlling relationship, drug/alcohol abuse or has endured deep depression knows the loneliness and grief at losing one’s self. It's like having had a friend once and now she's gone. 

The good news is, a true friendship always holds a spark that with proper tending can be rekindled to a flame that will guide us out of the darkness.

Rekindle that flame. Indulge yourself in something that brings you joy. You may be surprised at what a good friend you make.

Peace,

Nana

© 2010 Nanakoosa’s Place, authored by Jennifer Hazard

Self by Definition

self   

noun, plural selves, adjective, pronoun, plural selves, verb
–noun
1.a person or thing referred to with respect to complete individuality: one's own self.
2.a person's nature, character, etc.: his better self.
3.personal interest.
4.Philosophy .
a .the ego; that which knows, remembers, desires, suffers, etc., as contrasted with that known, remembered, etc.
b. the uniting principle, as a soul, underlying all subjective experience.

In recent days I've been making a solid effort to keep myself moving in a positive direction. I had a bad couple of days last weekend and found myself slipping into old attitudes and thought patterns that are no longer comfortable. Like a pair of damn stilettos, sharp, spiky and binding. I needed to put those shoes on, just for a bit, and to be angry, just for a bit. There were valid reasons for my anger, and many of them beyond my direct control.
Anger gets a bad rap in our society. Just as money itself is not the root of all evil, but greed for money that causes all the problems; anger is not a "bad" emotion. It's what we choose to do with anger that becomes a problem. It's the belief that we attach to the feeling that gets us all wound up. The biggest troublemaker is the belief that anger is "bad"..."don't be angry" "stop pouting", "Be Nice". The vast majority of us have had those words tossed at us, sometimes gently sometimes harshly, since we first learned to crawl around and assert our will. Is it any wonder that we will do just about anything to avoid it. We will drink ourselves into a stupor, stuff our faces with food, ingest drugs and chemicals and don't forget sex and rock and roll and compulsive shopping and get on that hamster wheel and keep running. Keep running and it won't catch you.
But it does. Our emotions always win in the end. They are not going to let us off the hook, no matter how hard we may try. So why does our culture tell us not to feel?
I guess if I knew the answer to that I'd be writing a Doctoral Thesis. I do know a few things about feelings, a few insights I've picked up along the way in my endless observations and analysis of Human Behaviour.
First off, we are lazy. We like things to be easy. We like simple answers, solid evidence based solutions, and we want them to work quickly. Personally, I see this as kind of cheating in the game of life. Sitting on the sidelines pretending to have your period. Fact is, feelings are messy and complicated and they get in the way and mess up and complicate our "self directed" lives. And God forbid, sorting out feelings takes TIME!
Another thing it takes is Honesty, and we aren't so good at that either. Especially not with ourselves. We lie to ourselves more than we lie to anyone else, we're so good at it most of the time we don't even know we're lying! We are amazing creatures!
One last thing we need to do in order to know our emotions is feel Pain. ouch! You don't have to watch more than an hour of television to know how much we hate pain. The alleviation of pain and worry is a multi-billion dollar industry that sells us happiness in a pill.
But wait, didn't we learn in school that drugs are BAD? Hmmm this leaves us in quite a conundrum. Apparently drugs are only bad if you buy them from someone who is not authorized and licensed to sell them to you. And by all means don't even think about growing your own drugs in that back garden.
So let's summarize...don't be angry, drugs are bad, anger is bad, take some drugs so you don't feel angry. Oh and if you do decide to be some whacked out Hippie nut-job who wants to explore your feelings...don't expect insurance to cover it. It costs far too much money to spend all that time getting messy.
Now I propose that we replace the last set of assumptions with a new one.
Feelings, including anger, are a natural part of being human. They are our bodies way of communicating with us. If we don't listen to the voice of emotions how do we really know what's going on? Especially given that we are so good a deceiving ourselves with our brains.
Once we accept that our feelings, even the "bad" ones are really our friends trying to tell us something, we can stop running away with our hands over our ears screaming..."lalalalaaaaa I can't hear you" when really what were are saying is "Go away! You scare me!"
Once we stop all that nonsense, we can LISTEN without judgement, without defending our Ego, to what those feelings are trying to tell us. Don't be discouraged if it takes a while (remember time is a factor?) Be patient and listen. Do some art work, or write some words, give your feelings a name, a persona a character. Get to know that person and ask her what she needs. Trust me, this CAN be fun, although it probably won't be painless. You will survive the pain, I promise, you have survived the pain of repressing those feeling, of denying your true self (remember, we lie to ourselves). You wouldn't want to lie to someone you love, right? And you certainly wouldn't want someone you love to lie to you...so what are you doing lying to yourself?
Ha, look what's happening, you are beginning to develop a relationship with your Self! Go slow, don't worry if it's awkward at first. Take your time, be honest and get messy!
Next time: Taking your relationship to the next level (no not that, silly!)
Peace,
Nana


© 2010 Nanakoosa’s Place, authored by Jennifer Hazard
Definition of "self" courtesy of www.dictionary.com

Crashing the party of "normal" society

after many years of working on recovery and healing I still tend to feel like the "weird girl in the corner" at social events. I had always been somewhat socially awkward all of my life. In fact that's the prime reason I started drinking at an early age. The first time I got drunk I was suddenly transformed (in my mind) into a charming chatty debutante with no fear of the boys at the party. What a great solution! I can't vouch for the charming ideal, and I certainly was no debutante, but I was definitely chatty...and fearless. And I definitely made acquaintance with many boys, most of whom I would have been better off without! But it was not only the boys who intimidated me, it was also most of the girls in school. The popular ones, the pretty ones, the ones who buzzed around in little cliques like a hive of bees, usually following every whim and turn of fashion that was dictated some Queen Bee. The kind of girls that when you passed by them while they were giggling, you were almost certain they were laughing at you. As an adult I have had a few good friends who have been with me for most of my adult life. Others have come and gone, but my circle has always been small, trustworthy and like minded. and when I am at social events, such as parties or weddings I still tend to feel like I don't fit with the women I meet. I suppose there are a good many reasons for this some rational and some not. What I do know is that I've come to a point where it no longer bothers me like it used to. I have also uncovered another amazing discovery. Most of my "isolation" has been self inflicted. Imagine that. I had the opportunity last weekend to attend a women's Spirituality Conference. The keynote speaker was one of my favorite author/activists and I was thrilled at the chance to hear her speak. When I first heard of the conference, two months ago, I began canvassing my little group of women friends to find someone to go with me. When I realized that no one would be able to I decided it was time to take the plunge, put on my brave face and just GO. I have to admit I was more than a little nervous on the first day of the conference. But I took a deep breath walked in and immediately struck up a conversation with the woman next to me at the registration table. I soon found it was quite easy to make 'small talk"with the other women and by day 2 there were a few of us who were already comfortable with one another from the day before. The point of my story is that all that self inflicted isolation came from fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of not being accepted. And, this is a big one, fear of someone knowing my big secret, that my life hasn't been perfect. I realized at the conference, where no one knew me, or my past, I could simply be judged as who I was presenting myself to be at the moment. I was a clean slate, just another new person. It felt pretty good. I had a great time at the workshops and browsing the vendors and especially hearing the keynote address. And I met many kind and friendly women, because I allowed it to be, because I didn't let fear hold me back. Because I didn't believe that the shadow of my past was hovering over me like a dark spirit saying "look at her, she's been abused, she used to be a drunk..." and like most scary monsters if you don't acknowledge them, they have no power over you. By the way I did happen to knock over an entire shelf of hand made pottery in the vendors area, causing every head in the room to spin in my direction and utter a perfectly harmonized oooooohhhhhhh. But I survived with my pride mostly intact. After all I am no debutante! Peace and Blessings, Nanakoosa copyright 2010 Jennifer Hazard, nanakoosasplace.blogspot.com